Fry the bacon or smoked ham. If you use bacon, fry until crispy, removing some fat from the pan if you want to.
Carefully measure the coffee in a cup, and then pretend to just be standing there casually sipping it. Whisk the sugar into the frying pan and then, as nonchalantly as you possibly can, pour the cup of coffee into the frying pan. It will look ace.
Bring to the boil and reduce until the sauce thickens. Stir in the butter to make it smooth and shiny. Season to taste with a little salt, but remember that the bacon or ham is salty as well.
Place half the bacon onto the bottom half of each scone. Pour over the sauce, then add the other scone half. Eat immediately.